Last week I got an e-mail from a reader about punctuating dialogue. I was glad to get the question, because it’s also a pet peeve of mine. Here’s her question:
I’ve been reading a lot lately, and I also do beta-reading for some of my writer friends. My problem: it seems like everyone has a different way of punctuating dialogue, and I’m at a loss to figure out what’s right. I’ve read up on the subject but I’m still kind of confused. Is there a simple explanation you can give me?
Answer: There is a simple explanation, but it’s not a short one.
One of the modern style choices we have is substituting character actions for dialogue tags. This can be quite effective in making a sentence or scene more active. However, the punctuation needed in each case is different, and bad punctuation is one way to appear as a novice writer (as well as annoying any grammar nerds among your readers).
So, what makes a dialogue tag? There are two criteria: it must identify the speaker and describe the dialogue, though it doesn’t always have to be in that particular order. He asked, she said, John murmured or whispered, Stacey shouted or screamed―these are all dialogue tags.
“I’ll walk you back to your ship,” she (identity) said (description).
“I need to take a nap,” he (identity) mumbled (description).
“Do you want to go out tonight?” John (identity) asked (description).
“I don’t know who did it!” shouted (description) Stacey (identity).
The proper punctuation of the first two sentences shows the comma inside the closing quotes, followed by the dialogue tag. In the third & fourth sentences, the question mark or exclamation mark takes the place of the comma, again inside the quotes. If the first word after the dialogue is not a proper noun (such as John or Stacey), that word is not capitalized.
So the first thing to remember is that whatever punctuation you use for the spoken words, whether it’s a comma or ellipses, question mark or em-dash, it’s ALWAYS going to come inside the close quotes.
And what happens when you want to include a character action after the dialogue tag?
“I’ll walk you back to your ship,” she said, falling into step beside him.
You identify the speaker, describe the dialogue, then follow the dialogue tag with the additional information. The rules for punctuation stay the same.
But what about that substitution we talked about earlier, where you want to replace the dialogue tag with a character action? That’s where it all goes sideways. The wrong way is to follow the dialogue tag rules, like this:
“I’ll walk you back to your ship,” she fell into step beside him.
Because while “she fell into step” gives you the identity of the speaker (“she”), it does not describe the dialogue, so it doesn’t meet the criteria for a dialogue tag. Therefore, that phrase needs to become its own sentence.
“I’ll walk you back to your ship.” She fell into step beside him.
The dialogue ends with a period within the closed quotes, and the pronoun “she” becomes the first word in a new sentence, so it must be capitalized.
“I need to take a nap,” he mumbled wearily.
“I need to take a nap.” He could feel his whole body drooping.
“Do you want to go out tonight?” he asked with a grin.
“Do you want to go out tonight?” He gave her a suggestive grin.
“I don’t know who did it!” she shouted, then stalked away.
“I don’t know who did it!” With a final angry look, she stalked away.
So, simply put: if your phrase identifies and describes the dialogue, it’s a dialogue tag (even if you add additional elements to it). If it describes a character’s action rather than the character’s words, it’s not a dialogue tag and needs to become a new sentence.
Now, who’s got another grammar/punctuation peeve?